the last humans

part of my mind?
constant.
thats my fucking bloody constant.
fuck tv.

what about life

back on track

not likely'

maybe tomroow i'l cal jarek s dad and ask if he's seen him.

asshole
guess i'm stil in denial

fffffffffffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuukkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

things have changed ha ve nt th e?

you ass ha5ts!?

like i have a good job, decent life>! hate the shiT.

(flex, don read it, not to U)!

and and and and and , i listen to the record. my ass sweats. my wife on the plane. me, drunk, alone, tonight, my fucking coup de taea, on whta? can i speellll ? can i htink? no. lll

ll
l
ll

ll

ll

ll

l

well, . mahnmy fucking thoughts.

workst day at work ever in my life.
;PROJECT MANAGEMNET? ;

oughc. htye want me that. my "design" firm values project management most. they, I realize, architecture - complete more important than good - they, they negate my positives and show off my unheardofesss..


sure this is to be a legal document. in that case: back pay please for all project management work i've done (all work since i started) should be paid X2 my actual "design" salary.

and i'll leave it at that (xcept all desing work should be paid at 4X what you gave me you ass hats!).

hi all other 1100xs to see this. (i'm sure no one). solidarity!

naked and alive is better than clothed in rags of shit.

ps 1100 work = not good right now.

whoops. can i forgive myself naked?

well, it was my blog anyway.
guess its just a for everyone diary.
that sucks too. wow it's bad.


how do i explain what has happened? that makes it more than a chapter?
maybe the book ought to be about jarek. power in that word., name.

punctuation doesn't do justice to though.

































































































































when your best friend dies.
so fuking: WHY? JAREK, WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DIE? WHY WHY WHY?

i know, i'll get it. i got it. i'll tell..... anyway,
you asked me to.

wish i still had you.

hey jarek,

don't look at 1-17, i was lost


what do you think of this findings?

http://www.pbs.org/newshour/updates/science/jan-june07/globalwarming_02-02.html

fuk dis anitn' rdaleal

bought some records. im not drunk. more blog. no one responds. i guess there are billions of us. maybe you can't just sit back and wait for everyone else. i guess i should be more assertive. not aggressive, but assertive. there are a thousand new people that pass me by every day. and me them. and no one talks to anyone new. i guess thats why we fall in love so fast here. i haven't even talked to a woman that i don't know here, and i fall in love 20 times a day. with like everything that walks by. that sits across from me in the L train. is that an inquisitive look i'm giving you, or a creepy look? you'd have to see me to know i guess. but if one of those beautiful women took two seconds and just said "hello", i'd be happy to get off the train right there and have a conversation. batt an eye. touch the arm. some people are like moths though, spinning around a lamp that doesn't exist anymore, but will still burn them out. don't want that. don't think i have to worry about it either. i haven't been dedicated in a long time. but i do want to be. that's why i'm stickin it out until the sun falls on my head this time. this time. we'll see how it works out. either i'll break down and wake up drunk next to her again or love will finally find me and stick it out. well, we'll see what happens anyway.

i guess i just want to be in love again...

so many people are too worked up. the world has gone, completely, fuking, mad and insane. ther e are too many differnet places where we are from and everybody trying to live int he same space. no wonder it a little ahead here, its fucking crowded. what happens when you don't pay attention to what you type. i think thistle pink said it best "all i really want is tits and beer". and some smoke. but they weren't talking about anything anyway, they were sarcastic. but they didn't breed any kind of sarcasm that wasn't emulatative.  what to put on the trap. we'll get it. til tomorrow. ... ..

utterly obvious

so i think a lot we are chemical. easy to modify. even by mixing our own.. super tech... those that don't know won't until they do.

ririXXX (11:18:05 PM): awww... ed
ririXXX (11:18:11 PM): why don't you come to hk?
edparker1977 (11:18:31 PM): is that an invitation?
ririXXX (11:19:13 PM): please come to HK
ririXXX (11:19:26 PM): YES that's an invitation... you need a card?

everything is too complicated for us. we are only figuring out the basics. we're lucky to know anything. i hate it when great bands dissapear. like fuking plow united. i love this fuking band. man, shit seems so normal when you talk through your own skull. no wonder though, it all makes sense. i read so many things that i don't think i could ever write. i just don't believe so much. and i have been taught that LOGIC is the only way. that is the way you win anyway. you just figure out the logic and you can affirm your position. and you win. that's bullshit. that's your life. that's our life. and i guess that's it. that's what they're all saying these days. the people who think. fuk thinking. lets live without all that thought. how old is that. too much fuking lit history. fuk them. i can't write and i'm glad. i can fuking type anyway. look at that. IM. to teri. she lives in hong kong. and it's real time. us animals figured a few things out anyway. there is everything left. why is it we all need a goal or we are useless? Ulesseys. how the fuck do you spell that anyway? well that's what i'm reading. been reading it for like a year and a half now or something. and i read a bunch of other books in between and i'm still on like page 300 or something. i hate it. but to be cool you have to like that fucking book. fuck it, i hate it. it rolls off hte tounge. it is admirable that one man could write so much jibberish in such a short amount of fucking time. but fuck. it means absolutely nothing. i know thats the joke. but i'm moving on. i don't want to waste the time. killed two mice today. semantics. stomped em out. the only right thing. i hate these glue traps. they make you want to let the little mutherfukers walk. but you can't anyway. i stomped them. so much romance. i used to be more romantic. but then i got logic. and then she wanted romance. i i i lost it. im so middle. just starting to figure it out. so much from nowhere that the hole confuses me. i wish i had it.. i erase when i type. i re read a little bit. and i erase sometimes if it . i just asked a woman what color her underwear was.. online! the computer will fuk with anyone who will use it. i must stop. wouldn't think of it. everything is just too fast these days. we can still handle it. i guess we can handle much more. our brains are really big and unused right? that's what they say. maybe they let us know about that later. hope. and we all have it. somebody will answer our questions sometime, right? i mean., we have them. i want someone to tell me what we were doing.

edparker1977 (11:03:49 PM): fuking early
edparker1977 (11:03:56 PM): are you at work
ririXXX (11:04:00 PM): I have just converted myself to be a working machine
ririXXX (11:04:05 PM): yes
edparker1977 (11:04:24 PM): nothing else, just wondering when you are moving back here to see me?
“ririXXX” has stopped using the computer at 11:06:09 PM, and is now considered idle.
“ririXXX” has started using the computer again at 11:07:00 PM.
ririXXX (11:07:00 PM): i mean what is mel suppose to tell me
edparker1977 (11:08:07 PM): nothing, i really didn't have anything to say so i just thought to make up a little nothing. so there is nothing to tell. but nice to talk to you though.
edparker1977 (11:08:15 PM): hey, what color is your underwear?
ririXXX (11:09:54 PM): ahhhaa.. you are such an idiot
ririXXX (11:10:04 PM): white by the way
ririXXX (11:10:18 PM): so new gal yet?
edparker1977 (11:10:19 PM): you make me smile..
edparker1977 (11:10:46 PM): no
ririXXX (11:12:33 PM): having fun with your single life still?
edparker1977 (11:13:12 PM): no. basically, i have only thought of you...

yeah, more than a blog i need a fuking shorthand typing whiz

more like i just want somebody to video all the shit that i do. if i spend all my time typing i can't do all the crazy stuff i can do when i'm not thinking about what i'm doing. i think this might be my last entry into this bullshit.

writing is sux. complain.

sand. bitches. you can't talk to yourself if you're looking to talk to everyone. but what i want to talk about is just to me.

No page to display

i hate tihs fucking blog thing. goognight.

all posts from here on out should just be numbered like this.

i think we are regressing. or maybe we never go anywhere anyway. some things are always changing. but i think the distractions of the modern world are just that. i think that we are bound to someplace else. i got the weed. melissa did a lot of excersize tonight. fuck. whatever.

making a title for all of these sucks. i wrote this part first but then moved it. i hate computers. but i look at them so much.

i always wanted to write a book, but this will be a lot easier.

i think it might already be over. the misic stopped. my beer ran out. the bong needs some more dope. ill get it.